Your “rules” are determining your happiness or pain right now.
So many of you have a list of rules that must be met before you can experience success. More times than not that list of yours is completely unrealistic. Now I am a very unrealistic person myself and though I believe in miracles, there is a balance to be had in your life.
Let’s think about some “rules” some of us have to feel happiness. That list might look like this:
- I am beautiful
- I am smart
- I am happy all the time and nothing makes me unhappy
- I make millions of dollars
- I am famous
- People agree with me
- I am an inspiration to everyone
Do you see any problems with this list? Though all of these can be worthy goals lets discuss the obvious. Are you really going to live your life waiting to be happy until you make millions of dollars? What if you become diseased ridden, are you going to be more concerned with millions of dollars or spending time with loved ones? What if you fall in love, are you going to want to work yourself to death and neglect your spouse in the process?
The obvious answer is no. And why? Because what we want is never the thing, what we want is always the happiness, the love, the growth and contribution it brings us. Wild enough, obtaining a certain amount of financial security is not even the worse of the rules we create. I had once thought I had to be loved by every person in the world before I could feel happy. I had it set in stone…Can you imagine that type of misery? The beauty of life is that we will always have people who do not understand us. Even when you act out of pure love, and are completely ego-less, you cannot get someone who has a damaged self-image to feel love or love you. Trying to be the most lovable is futile. All of these rules are futile. They leave you in duality, needing and implying you don’t have “it” within you.
Be the “Best” You Possible
If you’re definition of success is that you have to be “the best verision of you possible” you may very well end up living in misery for the rest of your life. For many, we believe this is the ultimate goal and confuse this statement with total self-love. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Why? Because you will never be the best version of you. Once you achieved those requirements you will just create more. Even worse, along the way of acheiving your standard of happiness you will become tunnel-visioned by your goal and unconsciously do whatever you have to so you can “be the best you.” But let’s imagine you became the best version of you, and you didn’t care much about what happened along the way. If you were the “best” you, you would be complete, and your life would be over. What more is there to do? Nothing, you did it, you became, you arrived and chances are you arrived in the wrong place. You arrived financially, you arrived in status, acceptance but all on the outside. You still yet to reach the ultimate goal, love.
The Right Rules
The goal is not to lower your standards. Ignorance is not bliss, ignorance is poverty and pain. If you are stressed, unset, miserable or feeling any pain chances are your rules at not being met. For example, if you are alone and want love and are not experiencing it. Take a look at your rules. You might have so many rules that you are not even allowing a human being a chance in reality to fit into your life. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if you were to remove all your rules you would easily end of miserable too. You would still be lying to yourself. If you want a mate who is kind, physically fit and funny you have the right to experience those things. Here is where the problem is; for how long will you base your love on these things? And where are teh specfics? What does fit mean? If fit means your partner has 6 pack abs, can sprint a 40 in 3 seconds and do pull-up kisses with you then you have a time line on your love. Chances are even the most fit of men will lose one or more of those abilities into their later years. Let’s say you stumble upon a Jack Lelane; however, now you have found your fantasy man correct? Correct. You have found a fantasy. You are now in love with an image, a role, a facade of a man. And your pain will resurface many times; all the time’s he is not your list. When he is eating dinner, sleeping, making love, or a million other activities where he may not be playing his role of fit, funny, and kind. This will cause you great pain. And this is the same type of pain you cause yourself with your own rules for yourself. The goal is to know your rules and make them obtainable in each moment. If you cannot obtain one of your goals, if you set them so outside of yourself and given power to everything else but you to obtain your goals for happiness, then you have already failed.
Love is the Goal, Life is the Journey
True self-love comes from no rules, from self-acceptance. You are imperfect and perfect all at the same time. You were created from the over-flow of the universe. You were created out of the extra love that God had. Until you can recognize this truly, all your attempts to become more, to be happy, will be completely futile and you will remained unfulfilled.
The 3 Rules of Success
These are not rules, much like the rules you gave to yourself. These “rules” are truths to your existence. They are who you are and what you were meant to experience. I know this sounds like a bold statement, but try it on for size and you will see for yourself. First things first, let’s remove that old list of rules you created. Completely throw it away. From here out you have three rules.
- Love– At your core, you are love. That is something many people never come to realize, however I am hinting it to you today. Remember, this universe made you out of it’s excess love. The world had so much extra energy and love it couldn’t help but create you so you could help create more of it. Realize it, feel it, mediate on it. Whatever you have to do. There is no lack of love here, there is only overflow.
- Grow– Allow yourself to grow. Many of your goals are provide so little growth that they provide no love or excitement to even achieve them. Then the goals that do provide growth, you are so fearful and doubtful to achieve them, because you don’t realize rule number one, that you never set out on the journey to discover them. At best, you acted out of fear to obtain your money, your status, your acceptance, your love and you have only failed. You have been experience struggle because you have been completely out of alignment with these rules. You have become attached to your goal and believe you need it, instead of doing it because you love it. When you love and do don’t possess, when you are lovable and do not depend, you are loving from overflow and everything in life becomes a joyful journey of growth.
- Contribute- Love from overflow. Instead of seeking your goals to acquire something, you do because you have so much to give that you can’t bare to keep it to yourself. There is an old proverb that says “If you do not love yourself, no one will be able to love you. Love only yourself, and your love will be very poor.” Contribution is a key rule then, because without contribution your “love” is poor. You go on seeking, setting up new rules for yourself, all to keep you busy and distracted from that fact that you haven’t set your sights on the ultimate goal; love.
From here out your new rules is that happiness comes first, it is thee goal. Your means of getting there, contribution and growth.
Enjoy the journey.