Do you desire the “perfect” relationship? One that requires no hard work and that fills you with a fantasy like state of bliss? With the list of requirements we put onto others to create this type of ideal makes it seem nearly impossible. But do we hold strong to our desires and know we deserve this, a perfect relationship?
The answer is absolutely yes. However, the way we must go about it is quite the opposite of what we have been doing for so long. What exactly is a perfect relationship then? A perfect relationship is simply a relationship that is entirely okay with being imperfect. We cannot possibly be perfect, we are human. That isn’t to say we cannot strive to do the right thing and become more. But throughout life, as we learn we have to change our awareness to the truth. And the truth is we and all of the people in our lives are constantly doing only the best they know how. We need to have an understanding for this which takes sincerity and communication.
- Removing Expectations
If we truly desire the perfect relationship we must start at ground zero. Ground zero is redefining our perspective to eliminate limiting expectations. The truth is our fantasy of the perfect relationship is typically far from the truth and merely a set of expectations. We have created fantasy relationships that keep us from every seeing true love in another. Our fantasy’s say…I love you if, you are beautiful. I love you if, you are successful. I love you if, you listen to me and so on. When we created a “I love you IF” list for others we keep ourselves from ever experiencing what a harmonious relationship could feel like. When people don’t live up to your standards we cast them aside as not good enough. But why? We create these standards because we truly feel a sense of lack within ourselves. And we project these internal fears onto others to hopefully find someone to fill the lack within ourselves. This takes the burden from facing ourselves away. The problem with this approach toward relationships is that we become blinded by our own fears and miss the gifts someone else has to offer. I am not suggesting to lower your standards by any means, but I am suggesting to not look at your relationships as only something you can gain from. Instead of asking “what can I get from them” which only feeds into your own insecurities that fill voids and lack within yourself. Better to ask yourself “what is beautiful about this person that I am not seeing?” Asking this question will help you find a new self love as well as true love for someone else. As you can see, we become blinded by our “ideal vision” of the perfect relationships; be it friends, lovers or acquaintances. When you start redefining your relationships you may find yourself receiving much more than you ever expected, when you were merely only expecting to receive.
To truly feel sincere for another requires effort and practice. The first step toward feeling sincerity is to remove our expectations. Once expectations are removed we give up our need to control and compete. Both of these qaulities exist out of our ego’s desperate need of approval. Control and competition says “I win” but the problem with winning is saying someone else has to lose. However, when we give up control we say “I understand”. There is no winning or losing, there is only understanding. Understanding of one’s emotions is the cloest way we can humanly communicate with total sincerity. When we no longer criticize someone with expectations we open the door to sincerity which says “you’re perfect the way you are” and that takes true love. From that place, we begin the process of seeing perfection in imperfection, knowing we are all doing the best we can and are never above or below anyone. Feeling sincerity reestablishes equality within each other and a perfect relationship cannot exist without a strong sense eqaulity. However, when we measure each other on the surfaces we wil never be equal. Given our endless achievements, failures and desires we are always comparable. A perfect relationship needs the balance that is found in sincerity.
Whether you have recently fallen in love, are married, single, or not seeking a partner we all have relationships. We have relationships with every person we come into contact with even if only for a moment. The key points to remember is that every relationship requires a commitment and that commitment is really only a commitment to ourselves. That commitment is to allow ourselves to feel lovable first which ensures we do not act out of need. When we need nothing, we create the perfect relationship with others, because lack of need means completeness and completeness removes the hard-work normally associated with giving and receiving love from others.