It’s slightly difficult to write a condensed article on the topic of fear when you think of the thousands of ways it affects the quality of our life experiences. However, I am a genius so it’ll be insanely easy for me.
Just kidding 🙂
All jokes aside, get ready to crush your fears and experience your life beyond the risks that have kept you from taking action.
What is Fear?
To go beyond fear and risks is very simple really, all we have to do is really dissect what we call fear. Fear really is nothing more than the uncertainty of an outcome, and the uncomfortably you have with that uncertainty. The more uncomfortable you are with not knowing, the more afraid you are going to be. Likewise, the times we are fearless are simply times when we are comfortable with the outcomes; we can expect what’s going to happen. If you take these situations too far you not only have lack of fear but boredem. When you know exactly what is going to happen in your relationships day in and day out, they get boring, so you begin to fight, cheat and lie to create the uncertainity you instinctually crave. So when we think about it, to an extent we have a desire for uncertainty, uncomfortbility or FEAR.
Is fear bad then?
Of course not, in fact, good and bad do not exist. Right and wrong are just mental constructs, and a series of possibilities. Where does fear exist then? Well in our minds of course, where everything else exists. Nothing is scary until you say so. Most fear however, happens before anything even physically occurs; in the moment of decision if you will. So when we think about fear the real way to overcome it is by eliminating it at its source and its place of activity; which is the mind.
Understand when fear comes into your life
Two me, there are two dominant situations where fear comes into our lives. The first would be in response to a situation in your life such as a bill, breakup, sickness, lost object, and so on. And secondly, in the moments of our decisions.
Common amongst both of these scenarios fear is never really in the present moment, typically you are safe in your heated subdivision home, wearing 200 dollars worth of clothes and eating a sandwich while you ponder your fear far away in the future. Fear isn’t something happening to you, it’s something you are creating. And as Mark Twain so neatly puts “I am an old man and have had many troubles, most of which never came true.”
Right and Wrong Choices- Debunked
In order to beat fear down you have to first recognize where it’s likely to enter your mind and secondly replacing the old beliefs you have about that. These beliefs most likely lie in the idea that there is such thing as a good and bad choices. However, this is just not true. When you obsess over whether a decision is right or wrong you are basically assuming that the world or situation will reward you or punish you from taking a particular action. The problem with this belief is that the world and situations are not set in stone, they are wildly flexible.
Sure, some things do not always go according to plan because of the thousands of variables that go into every decision making process and every situation. But just as much as this is true so is the opposite. Though a thousand variables could create an unfavorable outcome there are thousand opportunities for you to capitalize on the unexpected. The best way for me to get you to understand this is though some modern day examples…
- The “Right” Choice- You know in your heart eating healthy is the right thing to do. You’ve done your research, visited with professionals and all roads lead to healthy eating. You decide to start with kale, you hear it’s nutrient dense and will help you lose weight with daily consumption. Each day you start off with a Kale Smoothie recipe you found and you’ve made the investment, good for you, sounds like the right choice! One day you are out and about picking up some organic kale at your local farm, you don’t realize it but you step in a pile of cat poop on the way. When you arrive to the stand you happen to bump into you ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. You strike up a conversation and notice he’s acting weird, out of the blue, he vomits on you. Turns out he could smell the cat poop and just thought you let yourself go. The smell was too intense for him. Hmm…I don’t know about you, but sounds like you should have stayed home on the couch eating that pop-tart sandwich. Bad Choice?
- The “Wrong” Choice- Let’s reverse this scenario and see how infinite possibilities are always at play in a given situation. Imagine you just got dumped, you are telling yourself it’s a bad situation and going through the common self talk that occurs from these types of situations: “I should have worked out more, I’ll never find someone as good, I talked too much, I’m horrible at relationships, I’m just supposed to be alone…” These thoughts lead to a day on the couch snuggled up next to a pop-tart sandwich with a side of ice cream. You know deep down it’s the wrong choice but you rationalize it. You tell yourself it’s the wrong choice because you promised yourself you’d stick to your kale shakes and lose that stubborn paunch belly. However, half way through your ice-cream you receive a phone call that you would have otherwise missed because you refuse to drive and talk on the phone. The phone call was from someone in human relations at the company you have been dreaming to get in to. You applied over 8 months ago and gave up after no response. They offered you the job and a new piece of you came to life that was missing the past 8 months. Then it hit you, you’re relationship was going to shambles, you were gaining weight and struggling with your diet because of the bit of you that you let die inside of you. Your dream job and the hopes of it provided a source of energy that food nor a partner could provide. Skipping out on your kale shake that day and taking the wrong choice did more wonders for your health than any food has in a life time.
If you recall, most of our fears lie in uncertainity of situations and decisions. When we get caught up in the risk of a certain outcome we cut ourselves off to the possibilities of life. In other words, we truly will never know the outcome of a situation. And knowing the outcome doesn’t eliminate fear, it creates bordem. Instead, you need to find comfortability in the uncertainity of life choices and situations. You have to realize there is obviously no such thing as fear, because fear is a false emotion from the possibility of making the wrong choice. However, there is truly no such thing as a wrong choice, there are only lessons learned. Before you made the choice or took the risk, you didn’t know what you wanted or what to do otherwise you would have done that. And you never know what that is. The only thing that can happen is that you find out. And you find out only by feeling fear and doing it anyway, or being okay with whatever happens because two things will occur; which are really only one thing…
- You find out what works
- You find out what doesn’t work-which shows you what does work.
Therefore, both results bring the same result- finding out. When you can do that, you have overcome risks, you have overpowered your fears. You have become aware that you are equally at risk of staying where you are as you are taking the step.